Fading
by SilverWolf7
Summary: After the events of 'Girl in the Fireplace', Mickey confronts the Doctor and makes him see something he had been avoiding.


Post 'Girl in the Fireplace' fic. Slight Doctor/Reinette pairing here (The Doctor's thoughts on her after the episode). A good old fashioned Doctor/Mickey friendship fic. Because the world needs more Doctor/Mickey friendship fic in it.

Fading

The letter from Reinette, the Doctor decided, would stay in its place in the pocket inside his suit over his right heart. He hadn't meant to get so close to her, especially since he had only known her for a day, but as soon as she had walked into the room fully grown and no longer a child, he had been captivated by her.

Beautiful, smart, and ready to prove her point and keep her head no matter the situation, he had fallen hard and fast. She had completely surprised him with the kiss, and he had found himself enjoying it, really enjoying it, and once he realised what was happening, his emotions and body reacted and there wasn't one inch of doubt about what to do.

He had kissed her back, and he wished right now that the time windows hadn't had such a big gap in between her time and his. What was a few minutes for him had been years for her.

He should have known that she would die, and when he had been convinced that he was stuck on the slow path he hadn't cared. But then he was free to travel again, back to the 51st century and the TARDIS and his two companions, and he had asked her along, just for one trip, to any star of her choice.

He had truly meant to take her. He had gone right back after making sure that Rose and Mickey were alright and knew he had found a way back to them. But it had been too late.

He didn't know what was worse. The pain of losing her in the first place, only after such a short time, or the letter she had left him, knowing she had waited out the rest of her years for him to return.

He was only just starting to get over the crushing grief of losing Gallifrey and his people. Even now he couldn't speak of it. He couldn't really even think of it without being overwhelmed by the emptiness, the loneliness. That, he'd be stuck with for the rest of his life and it was a rather daunting thought. Even if it did ease with time.

She had known. Reinette had taken an opening and gotten inside his mind, saw his past, and had accepted him fully, even going so far as to make him a dancing partner to make the king jealous.

He would have stayed with her all night if it wasn't for Rose and Mickey. He knew those two would get into trouble. And he had been right.

And now he couldn't go back. It was done and over and he wanted so much to do so. The fireplace was now switched off, the time window broken, the fire inside died down to nothing but darkness and ash.

He had a part of her though in the form of the letter and he wondered if there would be any possible way to preserve it forever. He shook his head, turned away from the screen which showed him the empty fireplace and was so utterly grateful then that Mickey had taken to understanding the situation and had dragged Rose off.

He had wanted the end to be private, and Mickey had made that possible.

Now he was lost. He got the TARDIS started, dematerialising and sending them into the vortex, not headed anywhere in particular. Mickey was getting a tour of the TARDIS as far as he knew, and that could take a while, though the TARDIS seemed friendly enough with him. Probably because after all this time of knowing the lad, Mickey had visited enough times to get to know her a bit, and vice versa.

He was staring blankly at the screen again when he heard the clearing of a throat behind him, and it made him jump at the suddenness of it. And even as he had been contemplating what Rose and Mickey were doing, he found himself in a room with the other male on board.

"Hey," Mickey said, nodding to him.

"Hey," he replied back, not knowing what else to say.

Young, human and rather stupid sometimes as Mickey was, he had a rather big grasp on what was going on in his mind. And that scared him, because it either meant he was letting his emotions be seen, or he was that transparent.

"Rose has gone to her room. Said she wanted a rest for a bit from the sound of clocks. It was kind of my idea though. Didn't think you'd want her in here with you just now."

He made a non committal sound in the back of his throat and turned away from the screen. He sat himself down and looked at the boy. He wanted to say something, anything to break the silence that began stretching out between them, but didn't know what. It was the second time that day he had failed with words. Well, third really. Alright, maybe he had been speechless any time he had been in contact with Reinette, except when there was a clockwork droid with her.

"You know, I think Rose liked her. And, yeah, she was very beautiful."

At that, the Doctor snorted and smiled shakily. "Oh she was so much more than that. She was witty, and strong, and so smart. A multi tasker she was. Brilliant at anything she tried."

Mickey smiled at him. "Yeah. Don't think you'd find anything to criticise about her anyway. Every time you looked at her you lit up like a Christmas tree."

Earth sayings. Sometimes he just didn't get them at all, and that was one. Why was Mickey thinking of Christmas now any...oh. "I did? I didn't mean to."

"I think there were a lot of things that you didn't mean to do which you did today."

Shrugging, he looked back at the screen, half hidden by its angle from the seat. It was a blank screen now, had been since dematerialisation, but he could still see a crackling fire fading. "One day. I knew her one day! Why do I feel like this?"

Oh yes, he and anger were old friends. Channel that and maybe he could forget...

"Well, you know what they say. Sometimes all it takes is a look."

Love at first sight. He had never believed in it before. Why should he start now? He wasn't in love with her. He had only just met her! Yet again, it had been the one word all day he had been avoiding, and she had written it in her letter. Oh bloody hell!

He sniffed and couldn't stop a few tears from running down his cheeks. He was finding it slightly hard to breathe through the knots in his throat and chest. He was starting to wonder if he should make a strategic move to his bedroom, but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder which turned into a one armed hug from Mickey.

He let himself cling to the boy, man, human...whatever. Mickey. Because right then he needed contact with someone alive and breathing and it didn't matter who it was.

He didn't cry. Well, no further than he already had at any rate. The situation was embarrassing enough without having to go through that in front of the idiot. He would never have lived it down if he had completely lost it. So instead, he worked at breathing deeply and as steadily as he could until the knot in his throat disappeared and he could breathe easily again.

The aching in his chest remained, but he was growing uncomfortably familiar with grief. Sometimes he wondered if he had ever lived a time without it, though he knew that was stupid to think. He pulled away from Mickey and set a path to take them back to the Powell Estate. Not for good, of course, and they were both still welcome aboard, but he needed a rest.

Lonely as he was, right now he needed some time alone.


End file.
